The end is near...

How must it feel to know that one is going to die?
Knowing that one is in the florescence of life full of dreams but nothing matters any more as you know that the end is near and it is beyond your power?

For most of us death is far out of sight and not conscious as we are not confronted with it day by day. It is something that strikes our lives unexpectedly and does not occur in such a tangible way.
So it was for me as I spent my lunch break sitting in the warmth of the summer sun, next to a lady in her early 40's. One of her friends passed by and they started a conversation. All of a sudden I got drawn into a contemplating and almost devastating conversation - if I wanted or not.

The lady was talking about her disease and the fact that she has not much time left over in this world. I did not intend to listen but unconsciously I caught keywords that came together piece by piece to show the bigger picture. She talked about the relation to her ex-husband who has a new life with wife and kids. How she sees things different now and that she sometimes looks back with regrets. Surprisingly she spoke in almost pure calmness.
I am not sure if she cared for me overhearing the conversation. I had to whether I intended or not. I felt strange, out of place. And I started to reflect.

If I was told that my life is going to an end in a very foreseeable time, how would I feel? The whole world must fall apart! Is it scary? I am not sure whether there is a way to imagine it and whether you want to imagine it at all.
What are you going to do?
Quit your job? Do the world trip you always wanted to do? Jump out of a plane? Are you going to spend all your savings on the best restaurant in the world, to at least devote yourself to the culinary pleasures in life? Or are you trying to give your life a meaning and clear the air with all the people you have been cross with?

I would not know what to do!
But I was wondering about her regrets! Why is it that people always regret when it is too late? When decisions have been made and it turns out that they were not well thought about? Do you ever regret when you are not happy in life? And would you may regret if you made another decision, too?

This was a very odd situation as I was clearly out of place. I did not dare to look at her and did not dare to leave the bench. She must have been used to people feeling odd towards her tragedy. She solved the awkwardness of the situation herself. Not being able to walk long distances any more, she drove off in her little scooter. Before she left she spoke to me and said a single word with a smile on her face: "Goodbye" - leaving me behind in deep thoughts.
I was touched by the goodbye as it was literally meant to be for good.

Two days later I saw the lady on her scooter leaving the park on my arrival.